Just in time for this year's Ugly Christmas Sweater contests, Chris and I bring you a selection of sure-fire Winners from a year's worth of picky thrifting! You know we have a discerning eye for kitsch, and the Ugly Christmas sweater is a perfect venue for not-so-subtle details and dissonant designs. While each and every piece has merit in its own right, Chris' descriptions really take the Christmas Cake. Behold!
(We are such babies- Chris' whiskey bottle is actually filled with iced tea)
Notice the print here:
Which Chris has described so eloquently:
"The label simply states "Maternity" but in this case, maternity can last for eternity! Just look at the proud white mama cat presiding over a basket of little grey kittens! She has a knowing smile on her face, perhaps silently pleading for someone to adopt her wayward brood? This practically redefines "all-over print" as these little buggers are on the front, the back and both sleeves! Tiny sprigs of holly and disembodied holiday bells float all around, augmenting the Christmas cheer. This is the perfect holiday sweatshirt if you're pregnant, if you'd like to get pregnant or if you're hoping to impregnate someone else at a party."
He was so excited that he did a little dance:
And lo and behold, what is this?
"Players take note, even the mention of mistletoe is usually enough to get someone to make out with you- so wear this one with caution! Mistletoe is in no way related to cameltoe."
I think this is the definition of a "sh*t eating grin". This one sold within an hour of being listed- was it the description?
"Candy canes, jolly cats and God-knows what else make this a cuddly holiday explosion that you can WEAR. Prepare to win cash and prizes (or at least free drinks) at your upcoming Christmas party with this sweatshirt that screams 'CHRISTMAS!! CUTE!! CATS!!'"
...or was it the print?
This one is more "subtle", but it's a personal fave:
"Who says that cat ladies don't know how to party?!"
Yeah, somehow we ended up with a ton of cat Ugly Christmas Sweaters... I guess it's just in our nature. Cats are weird-- and kitschy animal illustrations on clothing are weird. Add cats to Christmas and you've got Pure Holiday Magic!
"Holy night! What a sweatshirt! Hand painted elegance is yours with this amazing bit of holiday cheer. A big, glassy-eyed tabby cat gazes pensively from a massive hedge of Poinsettias, complete with red faux-jewel accents!"
This hideous sweater won me an Unofficial Ugly Christmas Sweater contest last year.... now I offer it to the universe. (For a price, of course.)
"This knit monstrosity is laden with metallic accents. A cowl neck, glittery candy canes, trees, stockings, wreaths; the only thing missing is a crazy looking elf emblazoned in rhinestones! Neck, wrist and bottom cuffs are leaden with festive holiday studs for some reason. Wear this one with pride and don't be surprised if people chase you down the street telling you what they want for Christmas!"
It may be the true Mother of all Ugly Christmas Sweaters.
This honey sold right away, too:
Maybe it was the cigarette?
You can adorn/amuse yourself by visiting Chris' Etsy shop, Cosmic Yardsale. Happy holidays!