by Chris
Hello Internet!
A few weeks ago Sasha & I were sipping Italian sodas at a sidewalk cafe when she asked me the question that all men hope their wives will someday ask them. She said, "Chris, do you want to do a weekly column for my blog?" After haggling over deadlines, compensation, creative control, content supervision and who was gonna pay for the Italian sodas, I enthusiastically said "OK!"
Just that morning I’d been doodling different ideas for summer outfits which I scanned and annotated here for the first installment of Boys Noize. They seem to be going from casual to ludicrous counter-clockwise from the bottom right so I’ll start there.
The “Groover Magoo” is a mix of 60s and 90s. Summer is the only rational time for tie-dyes- here they’re mixed with big pants- go baggy ala the 90s but keep the material light- no one wants to wear a tarp. Men’s clothes are usually made in stiff, unbearable fabrics under the pretense of durability- get your pants vintage or thrifted so they’re already broken in.
The “Chill Bill” is another good pre-Summer look- get a pair of slim, light pants & chop them off about mid-shin. Add some black Winos from K-Mart and another tie-dye shirt & you’re basically set for inclement weather and rocky trails while still keeping it breezy. Note this is the only look without a long beaded necklace. On a recent trip to New Orleans we noticed all the boys wearing lots of necklaces- essential for sprucing up an ordinary outfit plus they give you a kind of talismanic/Captain Jack Sparrow vibe. I’m partial to tiny, multi-colored beads- kind of like the Love Beads of yore. All these looks are fairly hippie-centric but hey, it’s summer, you gonna wear a suit to the beach?
The “River Rat” is for full-on Summer use. I’m big on striped t-shirts this year. I got a bit burnt out on all the crazy, massive illustrations and over-cooked designs. Stripes keep it simple & interesting without assaulting the eyes. Plus they invoke the shoe gazer/Madchester vibe of the 90s- which was a pretty Summer-y scene. I recently wore a pale blue/navy striped t shirt from Banana Republic which I’d thrifted and Sasha said “I like that shirt- you look like a prisoner from the Civil War!” I was going for a French film auteur in mid-60s Saint Tropez but I’ll take Civil War in a pinch. Note again the long necklace(s), flip flops, cut-offs and a wide-brimmed hat. I’m finding cut-offs kind of essential since most new shorts look custom made for the golf course- which is cool if you’re playing golf.
The final look is for the dog days of August and early September when it’s so hot no one cares what you’re wearing and you just need to cool off. Cut-offs (preferably from old denims) and a striped tank-top. Girls get to wear tank-tops all summer so just follow their lead- plus they give you a good excuse to get (or show off) some tattoos. A close observation will show the “Duder Magruder” is actually wearing socks with flip-flops- an impossibility in the summer heat but a nice change for cool September nights. Socks and sandals are universally reviled in the fashion community which is a great reason to wear them whenever you want. Double-bonus points for having socks with a good pattern. Any color is acceptable as long as its not white. White socks will get you nowhere in this world.
This was a very, very good idea, Sasha.
Chris! Funny, stylish, quippy goodness: all words to describe this entry. Awesome start!
Posted by: Sara | 05/28/2011 at 12:54 PM
ha! hhhhhhaaaaahahaaaaaa!
Posted by: Doneoveroff | 05/28/2011 at 12:57 PM
Oh lord. This is just fantastic!
Posted by: Leora | 05/28/2011 at 01:29 PM
White socks WILL get you no where in the world! tahahah...love it. You mister are awesome in Stripes!!!Love the names.
Posted by: *winter | 05/28/2011 at 02:22 PM