It's Beginning To Sound A Lot Like Christmas

Confession: I used to be a Christmas grinch.

 I was in a post-college slump, living back at mom and dad's house, working as a Christmas Elf at the Santa photo booth at the mall, the year my aversion to December 25th peaked. I quit my job around the 21st of December, and ran off to Joshua Tree with my good friend Armelle for 10 days of camping. We were more than happy to miss all the holly jolly ho ho ho that the consumer culture had to offer us. We hiked miles into the desert and set up camp in a world that was only sand and stars. 

Then it got cold. Really cold. We drank red wine and did the "hypothermia dance" every 10 minutes to keep warm (you hold hands and jog in place for five minutes.) My camping thermometer dipped to 15 degrees on Christmas Eve, when our "tree" was a stick in the sand around our candle "campfire". We were young and foolish and determined to Do It Our Way. But even we had to admit that we were freezing.

We stayed out all the way through New Years. While I treasure these memories dearly, my attitude about the holidays changed forever after that experience. I finally got it, all the cheesy sentimentality about being warm and cozy and gathering with friends and family at the holidays. That cold Christmas eve, I would have given anything for a stuffy living room, a fussing family, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on PBS. 

Part of my shift in Christmas attitude has involved accumulating Christmas music. Chris and I pick up vintage Christmas vinyl at thrift stores all year long, and we make an effort to buy some newer CDs every holiday season. We decided to share some of our favorites with you here. 

Warning: our tastes are utterly refined.

We must play this one more than all the other records combined. And that's not even because of the cover, which is obviously a Prize Winner. Each song starts with a dramatic build up, like it was about to be "Bolero" or something deadly serious, and then, abruptly, switches into a familiar jolly Christmas song done "Tijuana style". It cracks me up every single time. There are also a lot of simulated laughing donkey sounds on this record.

This is the jolliest of all Christmas records. How can you not be happy when you hear Big Tiny Little rip it up on his organ? Sometimes you bring home a record from the thrift store with a kick-ass cover like this, and it's a total letdown when you play it. NOT THIS RECORD! The music is even better than the drawing on front. Pure joy.

I have worshipped at the throne of producer Phil Spector, murderer and genius, since I was a little girl listening to the Oldies radio station. Why did some songs seem to have an especially amazing quality? Come to find out, it was his magical Wall of Sound. (That said, the track on this record when Phil Spector personally wishes everyone a merry Christmas is totally creepy.) If you are going to pick up one piece of vintage vinyl, this should be it. The Ronettes, The Crystals, and Darlene Love are some of the greatest acts to come out of the early 60s, and they sing all of these songs with incredible soul and joy. The production, of course, is flawless. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love is so exquisite, it brings tears to my eyes. 

Side One of this record is pretty straight forward, but Loretta cuts to the chase on side two with "To Heck With Old Santa Claus" and the bittersweet "I Won't Decorate Your Christmas Tree" and "Gift of the Blues." I just love it when she tells it like it is. Especially good if someone has burned you this holiday season.

Okay, so this Polish record was bought based solely on the Freaky Cover Art. Come to find out that it is Native tradition do a spirited re-enactment of the the scene here, where the Devil and the Grim Reaper are arguing over the soul of King Herod. Some of the songs on this record feature a full choir, which isn't so much to my taste, but there are tracks with amazing soloists that transport me completely. If you've ever heard the soundtrack to The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover, it is very similar.

If you were kid in the 80s, I bet you have this 7". I have to say that I love the cover art after all these years, and I still thrill to hear Michael Jackson, Culture Club, Duran Duran, George Michael, Sting, and the U2 sincerely trying to Feed The World with this epic fundraising record. Unfortunately, the geographically-specific sentiment of this record is still shockingly topical-- the poor are still suffering in untold numbers in Africa. It will be an awesome day when the idea of starving children is as outdated as the keyboard sound on the chorus. I love this record, but I can't play it that much, because it makes me so sad. 

On this note, Chris' family and ourselves have been pooling together to buy presents and food for families registered at the local Salvation Army for the past few years, in lieu of giving each other gifts. There are a shocking number of people in need even in our county, and it is so much more satisfying to buy something for them than for ourselves, who are lucky to have everything that we need. I always wanted to be a better citizen, and I am grateful to my in-laws for coming up with this idea, and showing me how easy it can be. 

Okay, I would call this more of a "novelty" record, considering the B-Side features a Charlie-Brown-esque reading from the Bible by Jack White, followed by Meg White attempting (and failing) to remember the words to "Silent Night". The A-Side is pretty rocking, though, with lyrics about Candy Cane Girl and Candy Cane Boy, including the sentiment "why don't you open ME up?" Recommended for White Stripes fans.

 

I am a total sucker for Cyndi Lauper, and I know I am not alone. Somehow I missed this CD for a couple of years, but I found out about it last Christmas and it immediately became one of my favorites. It goes form super-rocking ("Christmas Conga") to super-sweet ("New Year's Baby- First Lullaby"), and there is not a dud on here. If you haven't bought any Cyndi in a long time, make this your re-introduction. She is one of those magical artists who just gets better every year. 

This CD is only four songs long, but it is a perfect gem. Kristin Hersh is from the 80s alternative rock band Throwing Muses, and she has had a successful solo career for nearly two decades. I like her regular solo albums, but the one-offs that she has done are some of my favorites of all time, like her Murder Ballad album "Murder and Misery and Then Good Night", and this wonderful EP. Three of the songs are covers: "Jesus Christ", originally by Big Star, and the traditional songs "Amazing Grace" and "May The Circle Be Unbroken". Her original, "Sinkhole" is a surreal tale of a natural disaster caused by sinning townsfolk. Even my mom likes this album, which says a lot. A classic. 

***And here comes Chris! (I am making him go second, because he is much funnier than I am.)***

Hey everybody- I'll be giving the run-down on some of my favorites and random Holiday oddities that make the season bright over here. Starting with a classic:

What can I say? I was raised in a house that loved Elvis. This is the better of his two Christmas albums- a heady mixture of operatic bravado ("If Every Day Was Like Christmas"), jaunty rockabilly ("Santa, Bring My Baby Back To Me") and tear-jerker ballads ("Mama Liked the Roses"- which I'm not even sure is a Christmas song. He was the King so we'll give it the benefit of the doubt.)

On the other end of the Santa-Spectrum we find:

 

King Diamond! The banshee-voiced singer of pioneering Danish heavy metal Satanists Mercyful Fate released a Christmas single?! Weird but true. From the bows in the antlers to the "nyah-nyah-nyah" expression on his face, this single is clearly tongue-in-cheek though the riffs supplied by Fate guitarist Michael Denner are top-notch. Released Dec. 25th, 1985. Sing it with me: "There's no presents- not this Christmas!!" "Santa" is an anagram for "Satan" y'know!

While we're on the subject of helium-voiced occultists, this one has been a big favorite lately: 

Cashing in on the same technological advances that gave us Alvin & the Chipmunks, "Christmas with the Happy Crickets" is about as upbeat as music can get. A mix of fairly traditional Christmas songs with the added attraction of 3-part harmonies sped up to dog-whistle-like pitch. Another example of the same technique used more sparingly is this lil' lovely 45

 

This one cuts the treacle with a male voice singing about not wanting to get a puppy- only to be interrupted by a soprano-singing Bassett Hound imploring for an adoption. Remarkable for it's sped-up puppy barks and an intriguing end-section where the sounds of giggling children are added to the mix, where the puppy begins inexplicably laughing along. Cute though slightly disturbing. B-side "Theme For A Christmas Puppy" is a jaunty lite-jazz instrumental. Both sides are credited to Duddley Dogg Jr- take that Snoop!

Speaking of dogs, if you see this one in the thrifts, leave it there!

Nothing against Liberace but this one is a snooze-fest. We keep it around just for the cover- it reminds us that one can never be too opulent when dressing for the holidays! Now where did I put my floor-length white fur coat again? 

As the holidays can be stressful, I've been digging some traditional, early music collections to help unwind after driving home thru the snow.

 

This John Fahey record is always in the thrift bins as well- some superbly played fingerstyle acoustic by one of the spiritual godfathers of the freak/folk movement. His medleys are seamless and his playing is beyond precise. A must for the guitarist in your family. 

If that's not chill enough for you, may I recommend...

Yup, a Gregorian chant Christmas album. One half-expects a drum machine to kick in half-way through the first song for an ambient/chill Enigma/Deep Forest vibe, but it never happens and you're left with just the haunting vocal melodies and visions of ancient, smoke filled chapels. Still not mellow enough? 

  

That's right. Enya is the atomic bomb of relaxation. Have a glass of eggnog with a shot of whiskey in it while playing this record and you won't even care that your flight was just delayed another 2 hours. Seriously, Enya geeks unite! 

This is a tasty comp that was given away for free with an issue of Mojo Magazine (presumably the December issue, 2004). It boasts a great mix of weird oldies ("Purple Snowflakes" by Marvin Gaye, "Who Took The Merry Out Of Christmas?" by the Staples Singers) and originals by the Flaming Lips and Rufus Wainwright. Ed Harcourt's "In The Bleak Midwinter" gives Sasha chills but we both agree that "Let's Make Christmas Mean Something This Year" by James Brown is the stone-cold holiday classic. 8+ minutes of the Godfather of Soul yowling, pleading and weeping about the special-ness of Christmas. His monologues veer into the absurd almost instantaneously. If you see this one in the used bins at your local store, snap it up. You still go to record stores, right?

Another one to file in the "Christmas Classics" section is this lil' gem from the 80s

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I like to think this record has been fully assimilated into the fabric of our society and most of these songs are well-known on their own. Madonna's "Santa Baby" and RUN-DMC's phenomenal "Christmas in Hollis" are both modern classics while Whitney Houston, Bruce Springsteen and U2 provide starpower for this Special Olympics fund-raiser album. They've released at least 5 follow-up volumes to this though it's best to stick with the original. Though really, it's hard to argue the merits of Bon Jovi's "Back Door Santa" versus Wyclef Jean's "Little Drummer Boy/Hot Hot Hot" medley. Top notch artwork by the late Keith Haring to boot. 

Am I saving the best for last? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!

  

The late, great Jacob Miller's main claim to fame is his inclusion in the Inner Circle band who eventually bestowed "Bad Boys" (the theme from Cops) upon the world. But before that, Miller recorded some amazingly tight roots reggae with Pablo Moses among others and was thought to be the heir to Bob Marley's throne. It was not to be but Miller left us with this splendid platter of Jamaican-ized Christmas carols, each song followed with a dub selection voiced by Ray I. Their Rastafarian version of "Deck The Halls" beggars belief as Miller sings about "lickle Jesus meek and mild". The CD version was clearly mastered from a vinyl record as the vinyl pops and hisses are audible on the disc, which just adds to the charm as Miller sings about Silver Bells ringing in the ghetto. 

While many of these cds are probably available on Amazon or iTunes, the truly weird and great stuff is always found while digging through the stacks at your local record store, so go visit them. Record geeks need Christmas cheer too. Thanks for reading & happy holidays!!  

 
   
   
  
 
 
    
         

 

Comments

[A Facebook User]

Awesome collection!

[Evelyn Fassett]

Sasha (and Chris)... you make me want to actually sit around listening to old holiday records.. wow - what an accomplishment! Great reviews and teasers.. hugs, Evelyn

[Grant Heino]

Have you heard the new Tori Amos Christmas albumn 'Midwinter Graces' ??? It is quite simply amazing!

My favourites are 'Star of Wonder' and 'Our New Year' - well worth checking out.

Xx